Hey Marta,
Sorry for taking so long. Actually, I was in Limon, Costa Rica. Its a province along the Caribbean that is 40% black, descendants of Jamaicans mostly.
As for the discussion of marriage, feminism, and children, it has been a couple of months since I have read that book, been in that relationship (we broke up), and felt the pressure to think about any or all of the above. Honestly Marta, as it relates to some of the issues that Walker addressed in the book and my growing and ever deepening understanding of what it means to be a woman, I have decided to remove the labels and take it as humanly as possible. that is not an excuse or a way to avoid the topic, it's my approach to dealing with my tendency to be extreme, in and outside of the discussion of feminism.
I think that I was raised to be strong, resourceful, and self-sufficient as a survival strategy. I did not grow up around men. I did not know them and did not trust and/or like the ones that I knew including my father and brother at that time. They, honestly, did not serve as cornerstones to my existence. My mother did not date much, so I grew up thinking that it was normal to be alone, not to make much of men, and be comfortable and happy with it.
Fast forward to now, after having had relationships that ended because the men thought that I was not domestic enough, or emotionally available enough, or whatever... I really don't think about it so much now because I have found that when you actually like someone, you do things to make them happy within reason and it goes for both sides. I am dating this new guy, a Haitian dude, and I approach it with as much neutralness as possible, if you know what I mean. I think that working, studying, and hustling, makes anyone tired, so if I can, I will try to pick something up for him and I notice that he does the same for me.
I am learning that not all men want to dominate and often they have just as much fear and as many insecurities as it relates to losing self, abandonment, and hurt that women have. I feel that I have found that I am not a victim, and I think that feminism, at times, has a tendency to make you hyper-sensitive to the micro elements of dealing with another human being. As I have been dating and breaking up and thinking some more, I feel that the idea of "compromise" is a little appealing for me because I have done so much by myself in my life and I feel very self-actualized in a lot of ways... that the idea of working together with someone else would be challenging,but also very rewarding... a person that is worthy, of course.
As for babies, as a classroom teacher, I am not interested in having babies anytime soon. I am not interested, at this time, to sacrifice my free time, autonomy, or change the flow of my most basic and guarded rituals (ie. weekend retreats, emailing at 11 pm, sleep, movement without second thought). I keep the option open, though,because I think there will be a time when all that I am doing for/just/and all about me will lose its appeal and I am going to want more. I also think about the legacy that I feel that I will have to live up to. My mother is such a loving, nurturing, and giving woman and it frightens me that I would not live up to her legacy sometimes... you know? but then I think about how nice it would be to have a relationship that I had with my mother with my own daughter...-Kara
